My Story and My Why

My physical transformation journey started in January of 2018.  The first thing I learned was the most important thing you can do at the start of the journey is to find your why and write it down in your journal. Then, go back and reread it. It keeps you motivated.

In the past I struggled with why I was really wanting to lose the weight. I always kept my Why at that “superficial” level. Oh, for my kids. For my health. I want to shop anywhere. I want to wear cute stuff…not really digging into how did I get here in the first place!

As a child, I was not an overweight kid, but I was not the thinnest person either. Just a little extra meat on the bones. I come from a long line of “fluffy” people on my mom’s side of the family. My dad was a healthy weight and could eat anything, but us girls would just pack on the pounds. I always remember thinking…I am not going to be like them. I will be the thin one of the family. Well, that didn’t happen.

When I was young, we moved a lot. I went to a different school every year from 1st grade to 7th grade. While it seems cool to get to live in different places, it made it very hard to make friends. I was always the new kid and SUPER shy. With that came some awkwardness socially until about late middle school into high school. I never really had a lot of friends…I knew a lot of people, but not really true friends. When I got to middle school started making some friends that have come to be long lasting friendships and they helped me come out of my shell.

In high school, I made the dance team and did very well. I even made a dance officer my senior year (which was a big deal as I had no real training like a lot of the other girls. It just came natural to me.) When I made officer, I was probably 160 lbs or so. Again, not really big, but not the “skinny” dancer type. One of the “popular” girls that did not like me very much went around telling people that I was “too fat” to be a dance officer. Well, it got back to me. After that, I just started believing it. You know how when someone tells you something at 16/17, you just start believe that is really who you are. Well, unfortunately I could not shake it. Even to this day I remember the feeling when I heard about it. Several months later, I quit the team. Oh, I told everyone it was because I needed to get my grades up for school and all, but really I just felt like the “fat one”. The “token” officer or something like that. It was not the only reason I quit, but it was part of it.

From there, I started my weight gain. I was eating like I had when I danced every day…but I was not longer dancing every day. My parents never really worked out. They would walk in the mornings, but they did not really exercise or anything like that. Mom would do “Sweatin to the Oldies” and stuff like that, but nothing like going to the gym or anything.

Then I went off to college, well let’s just say I gained more than the “freshman 15”. I had a boyfriend (my now husband), I had no one to impress really…and I was in t-shirts and jeans every day. I really didn’t notice the weight coming on. When it came time for my wedding, I asked a few of my friends from high school to be in the wedding. They went to different schools and we didn’t really see each other much. (This of course is before Facebook and cell phones). When they saw me at my rehearsal dinner…I will never forget the look of shock on their faces. Like OMG what the heck has she done to herself. That was the first time I really realized how much I had gained.

Fast forward to after college and my husband and I wanted to have kids. We tried for 3 years with no luck. We ended up with a specialist who told me I had Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I will spare you guys the girly stuff, but basically it had to do with my weight, the ability to lose it, and the ability to have kids. So I was determined to start losing the weight and after months on a program I lost 30 lbs and got pregnant. Then 15 months after my first child was born I had my second child. Yes, two under two. Working a full-time, high stress, high profile job. No time to think about my health, food, etc. It was sleep, did the babies eat, are they well, and staying up late working. That was our life for several years. Then along came my third. I actually stayed the same weight with her during my pregnancy (Dr. approved) and lost 40 lbs immediately after giving birth. But sadly, the stress of my job and three kids and traveling for work packed them right back on. At this point I had basically started use the PCOS as an excuse. “Well, not going to be able to lose anything with this PCOS. Just gonna give up.” So I did. For a long time. I avoided the Dr’s because of the weight. Was super embarrassed that I refused to post full body pics of my self on Facebook for fear of my old high school classmates seeing what I looked like. So, tried many different things, nothing worked. Until now. I had just about given up. I thought, well looks like the only thing for me is lap band or something like that. Had two doctors tell me to do it. But to me, that was giving in. Cheating.

I NO LONGER WANTED TO MAKE EXCUSES. I WAS NOT GIVING IN.

My Why is to stop the cycle of obesity in my family. My Why is to prove that all the negative comments in my head about myself is NOT who I am. My Why is to remember I am strong, I am capable, and I can do anything I set my mind to. My Why is to share my journey with others so they too can see the power to transform that is inside them.

In 2018, I went from 290 pounds wearing size 3X clothing to 234 pounds and continuing to lose. That year was focused on getting myself mentally healthy and losing as much as I could. For 2019, it is a whole new ball game.

My word for 2019 is ROAR.

This year is about furthering my transformation, but sharing my story even more. It is about letting my inner Champion come out. It is about showing myself that I am an athlete. I can build muscle just like anyone else. That I am a fighter and I have to keep fighting to get to my goal weight.

I am excited for this journey and to share it with you. Thank you for joining me in this journey. I look forward to sharing it with you!